Adding to my list ...

... of things I don't enjoy.

We went on a work "retreat" this weekend ... pretty hard to think of it as work since we are a party company. It was more like playing games and having fun all weekend with people we like. More like a family picnic than work related.

My bosses -- Dan and Debbie Blagovich -- are very loving and giving people ... and that makes this weekend kinda special every year. Debbie is an excellent gourmet cook, so the food is always incredible.

We go to a beautiful lodge outside of Leavenworth called "Heaven Can Wait". Pool, hot tub, tennis court, privacy -- all very nice.

We stayed up playing speed Scrabble one night. Saturday night, they played Texas Hold 'Em. In between were pool games, Guitar Hero, badminton, tennis, bike rides ... and a highlight for me -- I got to go fishing.

Marty and I hit the lake very early on Saturday. Trolled the lake for about 4 hours. I managed to catch a couple 12-inch trout ... in about a ten minute span ... then nothing ... but what fun it was to be out on a boat doing something I love (and don't get enough time to do).

OK. OK. So you are asking yourself -- all these things sound wonderful -- so what are you adding to your list that you don't like.

A river float.

Sounds easy, huh?

Grab an inner tube, jump in and kick back and let the gentle action of a slow river current carry you back in an hour or so to the base camp -- ready to get an ice cream cone at a local Dairy Queen.

But oh no ...

That's not the trip it was for us.

Well, at least for Nancy and myself -- it was something we will probably not do again.

I think when I found out the river we were going on, I should have followed my own basic rule number one for being an outdoorsy type.

(DANA'S RULE 1 FOR OUTDOOR SURVIVAL -- Don't camp at a place called Bear Junction or Cougar Flats or Rattlesnake Gulch. Those names were given for a reason!)

So, I violated the spirit of that rule and happily jumped into a high tech inner-tube to float -- THE ICICLE RIVER!!! Now, students, what do we know about this water just from the name?

Yup, that's right -- cold it was.

Let me say something here about the inner-tubes. They were basically an inner tube with a vinyl covering over it. Yes, water still came in to keep your tooshie immersed -- but because they were a little larger than normal -- Nancy could NOT reach her arms over the sides to paddle.

The inner-tubes also had an inflatable back rest. Everyone else's inner tube stayed inflated and looked quite comfortable. Mine didn't -- only came halfway up my back and didn't support anything.

Picture in your mind an inner tube with a fat little guy (me) stuck in the middle of the donut -- with head and shoulders tilted up over one side and legs sticking pretty much up in the air, body in a "V" position. Pretty uncomfortable.

Throw into the mix that our paddles were in reality Frisbees with elastic strings on them to put your hands through as a holder. We looked a lot like a giant polliwog trying to steer these little individual rafts.

Does this in any way sound like fun to you?

Nancy couldn't paddle and kept banging from side to side of the river banks -- like a human pinball in slow motion.

I was attempting to keep my body in a perfect crunch position -- until I got a charlie horse and needed immediately to stand up. Unfortunately, I was adrift in the middle of the river silently screaming in pain until I could find a sand bar to light on.

After a few minutes, I realized I was on my own here. Everyone else had gone ahead except my fishing buddy Marty who was going around and around in circles holding a Mary Poppins-like umbrella and who kept telling me it was like being stoned.

I decided to hop back on the inner tube and finish the trip ... but putting my buttocks back into the icicle cold river wasn't going to work -- and instead, I sat straight up, perched on the edge of the inner tube, submerged up to about my waist with feet straight down into the water. And I thought I had been cold before. Ha!

This trip went on for ever. We were on (or in my case "in") the water about 3.5 hours.

Needless to say, both Nancy and I were VERY glad when the trip was over. (Debbie had hooked on to Nancy and basically paddled her home the last hour or so). I was too busy trying to survive to be of much help.


So, next year -- when the crew goes river floating -- I'm going to say, "Hey, thanks. If it is OK with you, I'll stick around here at the Lodge and read a book" ... and then maybe have a little ice cream once they've left.

:) Dana